Again, I’m surprised that I like Danielle Steele. But, this was great! It almost reminds me of a compressed version of the television show “Parenthood” in print. Every family is different. Every family has a little drama. Every family gets through it. Keep living. Keep loving.

Canary Island Song, Robin Jones Gunni

It’s that time for long rides in my training season, and I picked this one because I remember stopping in the Canary Islands to refuel on a return trip from South Africa.

There’s absolutely no connection to my wonderful South African experience, but it’s all good.  I needed a distraction for those long bike loops.

If I compare this audio book to say Primal Endurance, another audio book that helped me through a super long training ride, this one is maybe a level 3 of 5 in terms of engagement.

The main character is 45 years old and acts like she’s 90 years old and about to die.  I mean really.

Unfortunately, there are many people who become widows or widowers at a young age.  But, FORTUNATELY, they find a way to keep living and loving.  They love and support their children, and some of them find love again.  It’s not impossible or unreasonable. Having experienced my own major relationship loss, I would have crumbled if someone told me that it would take me 10 years to come alive again after that tragedy. I know that it is possible to take a long time to rebound and people are different.

HOWEVER, no matter the life / relationship status, I think we need to give ourselves a break and live a little bit.  If God sees fit to bless us with another day on this earth, why would He want us to live it in fear of experiencing all that He gives us a chance to see, feel, hear, and do?

Maybe it’s just me, but I know life is hard.  Life hurts.  Life can be really crappy some times.  But doggone it if I’m gonna have a 10 year pity party.  Shoot, I’m not having a 10 day pity party.  LOL.

Life is just way too short for that.

In closing (for anyone who might actually read my blog post), LIVE ALREADY! It’s okay to have some “safe” (i.e. don’t do anyting to hurt yourself or anyone else in all of the connotations of what hurt could mean) fun.  🙂

 

Good Hair, Benilde Little

Quick read. Great vocabulary lesson. Truth. 

I listened to The Itch, also by Ms. Little and decided to follow up with this book after something as heavy as Proteinaholic. 

First word I had to look up, BAP: Black African Princess. 

This word is key to context for the story.  Girl from the hood goes to Mount Holyoke. Girl starts a great career. Girl gets involved with the “right” guy – an investment banker. Investment banker is a jerk. Girl meets new “right guy” – a doctor.

Then, the story begins. 

As always, I like to make connections between the things I read and real like. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I didn’t grow up with any BAPs. Maybe they were WPs (White Princesses). Is there a term for that?

Anyway, I think the human experience, regardless of race, is intriguing.  While race plays a big factor in the context of this story, the story is about a woman’s search for validity, meaning in her career, and longing for a trustworthy guy. 

Meeting that guy who really is too good to be true is a wish for many women. It feels like many of us have met the frog, but not the prince. Granted, there are princes in some dark places that many BAPs (or WPs) will not go, we still search for the prince. 

I think the “stay woke” lesson is that even princes have scars. Princes screw up. We’re all human. Over the age of what 12, we make dumb choices sometimes that not only affect ourselves but the people we love. As a “woke” woman, the question is how many scars are too many?  How much can you accept?  Where can you just deal with it?

I think those choices are different for all of us – men and women. But, the beauty is that we all have those choices. We get to define what a prince or princess means for us, and we get to determine the quality of life that comes with the choices we make. 

So, no judgment. We all know (or life will help us find out) how much we can deal. The beauty is in being open to find out whether the “scar” we see on our prince is just a surface deal or something that changes his character. I “think” I can handle some surface stuff, but I’ll soon find out how deep the other scars go . . .

Anything, Part 2

I’m stuck on this book.  I have a couple other books in progress, but this one keeps coming back for me and it’s been at least 6 weeks since I finished it.  I think one reason it’s popping is because the big V-day is tomorrow, and part of my “Anything” relates to what tomorrow represents for some.

A couple of years ago, my youth pastor said ‘Valentine’s Day is S.A.D. – Singles Awareness Day’.  Now, I’m sure many people have heard this before, but it was a first for me.  🙂  It’s a silly reference, but very true.  Then, I read in the paper yesterday that over 40% of Americans who buy candy on V-day, buy some chocolates for themselves.  Well, go America!

Anyway, the reason the book keeps popping is that one of my next steps from Anything was to give up the “chase” for at least 6 months.  Sign off the dating sites, just chill.  And, to take that even further, I deleted my “black book” – very small – but still all of those old dudes really didn’t belong in my contacts list any more.  If things didn’t work out the first time around, why hold on to all of that?

In the preface of the book, Jennie writes that if ‘I believe God is who He says He is, I should live like it’.  For me that meant, really giving Him this dude thing.  Not trying to control it or make it happen.  Just let God clean out the debris and carnage in my life so He can do something on a relationship level that is clearly HIS work of art.

So, as I think about tomorrow, I’m not going to be SAD b/c I know that God is preparing a wonderful thing.  I don’t know how the story will end or when it will even start, but I do trust Him.  I do believe that He is who He says He is, so I’m giving Him this thing that I want.

I pray V-day is a happy one for you and that you feel love from the special person in your life or that you love yourself enough to buy your own chocolate and flowers . . . if that’s what you want.  I think I’ll get myself a new pair of cycling gloves or maybe a new saddle.  I’ve been reading about this Infinity Saddle . . . I digress . . .

For the Love, Jen Hatmaker

I am a HUGE fan of Jen Hatmaker and finished Interrupted earlier this year. So, I was looking for some “bomb-dropping” information and insight from the beginning of this book. #HighExpectations I get the reference to “For the Love”, and it was a cute reference. I finished the book in a series of flight legs in one day, so that speaks to the depth on this one as compared to Interrupted and The Seven Experiment (hands down my favorite). The simple message was to give myself a break.  More grace to others.  More grace to self.  Even more simply, don’t set such #HighExpectations for Jen Hatmaker.  LOL.  Every book does not have to be heavy even though I love her heavy books that challenge me to the nth degree. It’s just that the other two have made such a dramatic impact on my lifestyle. I still tell people about the 794 articles of clothing items I counted in my closets before I stopped counting . . . one of the exercises from Seven. One other note:  Jen and Brandon Hatmaker were interviewed at this year’s Catalyst conference in Atlanta, and they were great!  It was such a pleasure to hear from them both and to get a glimpse of how they work together in ministry.  I know all marriages have challenges (as they fully disclosed on stage), but it is a blessing and encouragement to see two people committed to doing life together to help each other and to make such an amazing difference in the community where they lead.

Quitting [Mastering the Art of Quitting], Peg Streep and Alan Bernstein

Now to anyone who’s completed or considered or trained for or worked for a long-term goal, the  notion of “quitting” anything just doesn’t sit right.  I mean what on earth? A goal-oriented, super Type A, “be better today than yesterday” type doesn’t quit.  Whaa???

Well, it’s time for me to quit something, and I’ve been having a hard time with it.  Back in April 2016, I signed up for the Dopey Challenge – 5K, 10K, 13.1, and 26.2 over 4 days.  Yep, it’s “dopey”, crazy, wild, stupid, whatever adjective fits.  BUT, it is an amazing challenge; and I LOVE challenges.  Well, after training for and completing 2 half ironman races this year, my body (particularly my left knee) is no longer up for the challenge.

Chiropractic care, massage, dry-needling, PT, drugs . . . no dice for this bad boy.  When I asked the doc when the dry-needling would start to make the pain go away, he calmly replied with absolutely ZERO emotion, ‘when you rest [or get that knee fixed]’.  I wanted to say, ‘Yo, Doc.  You just don’t understand.  I registered for this race!  I can do this!  I really can!’  Well, I could “say” that, but I was in so much constant pain and discomfort that I had to make a decision.

Right around that time, I came across this audiobook.  Now, this has been quite the year of reading/listening to books that add meaning to my present life at just the right time . . . Best Yes, Lean Startup, etc.  However, this one really hurt to start.  I am not a quitter.  I don’t quit stuff.  If I commit to it, I’m in for the long haul even when I know it’s probably time to move on.

And, then I got into this book.  “Quitting” in this sense is not about being a lazy bum on the couch.  It’s also not about floating through life with no goals or plans and just taking things as they come.  This book is about strategic quits.  It’s about taking stock of a situation and then making a conscious decision about whether to move on.

Putting that definition in the context of my life, I realized that I had quit some pretty big things already.  I was the Jennifer  who decided that practicing law just wasn’t fun anymore and “quit” to go to business school.  OMgoodness, that was one of the best things I ever quit.  I’ve been blessed to see the WORLD in my business career and absolutely get to flow in my work OFTEN.

I was also the chick who “quit” that wildcard dude who decided that using his fists was the best way to TRY to get me to do what he wanted.  Well, fella, we know how that turned out for you. [Sidebar:  Thou shall not use one’s fists to communicate ANYTHING – especially not to someone you say you love.] Another good “quit”.

And now, I need to make the run-quit decision.  Man, this is hard.  I mean really, really hard.  I haven’t been a runner all my life.  I did my first triathlon in 2004 as a dare.  Then, I fell in love with cycling and sprint triathlons.

In 2011-2012, I lost 30 pounds with Weight Watchers and running became a part of my weight loss journey.  The more I ran, the more confident I became.  Not only was I knocking out half marathons, I was having FUN.  Running gave me such a sense of accomplishment.  I LOVE my wall of race bibs and medals.  Remember . . . Type A.  I want the gold star.

So, around the same time of the birth of this uber-confident, weight loss success, loving running time, I decided that I could become a better swimmer, too.  Maybe those sprint triathlons could be even better b/c I knew I could ride fast, and now I could at least get through the run part of the race without so much ugliness.

Over that time of learning how to swim for racing and distance, I got this bright idea to celebrate 10 years of triathlon with a half ironman.  Type A.

Now, ask me if my knee was bothering me all this time.  Sure it was.  I’d already been to the doc who told me I was a candidate for full knee replacement surgery, but he thought I was too young and didn’t recommend it.  So, we did all of these other treatments and I learned how to cope with the pain and added more cross training – more cycling and swimming so it wouldn’t hurt so bad.  I don’t quit.  Type A.

Three years later, this bad boy says it’s time to quit running.  2017 was my year to train and race for 140.6 – full ironman.  I’m ready.  I can do it.  But, my knee says not right now.

So, I come across this audiobook and need to make a decision.  After a lot of prayer and consultation with several knee “folks”, I’ve decided to redirect my endurance passion to the sport I really love (cycling) and one I’ve grown to enjoy (swimming).

So, thank you Peg and Alan for helping me get comfortable with setting a new goal – Aquabike 2017.  It’ll still be hard.  It’ll still be a great challenge.  But, it will be a heck of a lot more fun.

I know this is a super long post today.  However,  I have to add that while listening to this book and really working through some big decisions, a coworker shared this statement with me, “You are a PRIORITY, not an option.”  When I make myself a priority, it is much easier to make the decision to move on  from (aka quit) people and experiences that don’t add value to the trajectory of my life.  I’m really starting to internalize that prioritization, and it sure feels good to start letting some optional stuff really become an option.

I’ll close here with 5/5 stars for Mastering the Art of Quitting as it was the tough love message I needed right now to quit my not-helping-yourself endurance goal and to set a new one.  🙂

 

 

Wedding Night, Sophie Kinsella

Total diversion from my more traditional reading picks . . . We’ll kinda. ;). I am working on my Goodreads 2016 Reading Challenge and have 3 more books to finish to get to 50. My goal includes audio, kindle-based and old school print. Anyway, all caveats aside, this was pure chick lit, finish the book. 

While mildly entertaining, this is just disturbing on so many levels. As a quasi-feminist, I just have a hard time justifying (even as entertainment) marriage for the sake of marriage, childhood fantasies, and traditional women’s roles. 

I know men don’t do what we expect them to when we want them to. But, wowzers, no one does. We don’t even do what we tell ourselves we’re going to do. Getting married to someone else because my “intended” doesn’t ask me to marry him when I expect him to ask is just silly. 

The ensuing drama is, again, mildly entertaining and really drags on a bit. 

***SPOILER ALERT ***

Finally, we learn that all is not lost. When no one asks us the questions we want them to ask, ask them! Take some initiative. 

On a personal level, maybe this is the fuel I need to ask a guy who wants to just “hang out” if he wants to go on a date. Really dude? Be a grown up. Calling me just for the sake of calling me is “interesting”, but ask me out already. Lol #LifeApplication

No Excuses, Brian Tracy

I was determined to finish this audiobook, and I did. I wouldn’t say that I heard anything that I hadn’t heard or read in some form or fashion before.

However, I think this was a great book for this TIME in my life. There are things that I’ve had on my “list”, and just in the time of listening to this book, one of those items/goals has come to fruition. As I go into the “outseason” for triathlon, this was a nice spark to start identifying some other goals in my life outside of training. I’m still going to add becoming a flip-turn princess to my goals list, though. 😉

I think the notion of writing down goals everyday is awesome, and I’ve started that. Now, I just need to be consistent and keep it going. So, if you need a little kick in the tush to start doing something, this is a good kick. 😉

I’m a Nicholas Sparks fan.  I love reading books written in the context of the Carolinas because I’ve spent so much time there.  Go Tarheels!

Anywho, this book was complex!  For the first quarter, I was just pissed at the wife (Vivian).  Really. Then,  for the second quarter of so, I was intrigued by the development of the father-daughter relationship (Russell-London).  The next 25%, I was perplexed by the whole new business, startup, advertising agency experience (London).  Then, I finished the book “in waiting” to see what would happen with the new relationship, Russell’s sister and balance of daddy-daughter with mom and her new life (Russell-Marge-London).

As a woman, I huge part of me wanted to cheer for Russell’s wife.  However, I just couldn’t.  I suppose I just know too many people who work so hard for their families and his spouse just didn’t seem to “appreciate” what he was doing for his family with such reckless “errand” trips.  However, I acknowledge that the story was told from Russell’s perspective, so I should be more open-minded.  Nevertheless, I cannot get down with a spouse getting a new job, not telling her husband her salary, opening a separate bank account and then still spending the “family” money and saving all of hers.  Man, that just seems selfish.

Throughout the book, Russell’s family was a common thread.  As I think about Southern families, they were almost “unnoticeable” in that someone from the extended family was always involved or present.  In my own family, this is so common that I think they just didn’t seem as prominent as Russell, London, Marge and Vivian (the wife).  The support of the whole family, though, really made me APPRECIATE my village.  I’ve heard it.  I’ve seen it with the children in my family.  I’ve been a part of it.  Yet, reading about the village in another family made me go, wow!  I am very blessed to be a part of a loving family of supportive grandparents on both sides, aunts, uncles, play “aunties and uncles” and having so much love for the kiddos.

Then, there’s mom and “the cancer”.  My mom is such a worry-wart about certain things, and I could totally hear Russell and Vivian telling mom not to worry about dad. Having Russell’s mom’s concerns validated in Marge was a shock.  It was also one of those “mom = wisdom” moments.  While I don’t always like hearing the “did you”, “have you”, “are you going to . . .” questions and wanting to say “I’m grown”; I am old enough now to know that sometimes (actually often times), Mom is worrying or asking questions from a heart of love and because she’s lived long enough to see things that I can’t understand. In her protection mode, she’s trying to protect me from something.

And the new love . . . well, I won’t give it all away.  But, I will say this.  True to many of Nicholas Sparks’ works, the story doesn’t end the way I expect it to end.  It does end with a dose of real life and an honest look at the depth of marriage.

Actually, if there was one theme I’d weave through the entire book, it would be that marriage is hard.  No one can look at a marriage from the outside and really see anything. As much as I wasn’t a fan of Vivian (the wife), I don’t know the whole story.  Even Russell and Marge began to see their parents’ marriage differently over time.  Who would have the baby in Marge’s marriage was tough.  Who serves as the primary caregiver when one person makes more money?  This is all relevant and tough marriage stuff.  I think what we saw was a bit one-sided in multiple relationships, but isn’t every outsider’s view of a marriage?

So, my take away here is to be more open-minded.  Be empathetic.  Be patient.  Life is short, so give a LOT of grace often.  I look forward to the next book from Nicholas Sparks.  🙂

I saw this quote on Twitter before the recent Apple event on the iphone 7.  Since I’d just finished Off-Balance, it really stood out to me.  Thanks, @evernote for posting that day!

 

Eat & Run, Scott Jurek (Parts a & b)

*Spoiler Alert*

Yesterday was “long run” day, so I decided to just get ‘er done with an audiobook.  What a great choice!  I like to start long runs (and rides) with books or podcasts so that I don’t start off too fast.  Now “fast” is definitely relative when it comes to running and a KEY requirement in long rides.

Nonetheless, I’m about 40% through this one and my favorite line so far is that sometimes, “You just DO things.”  Like that 12 miles.  I just had to do it. I think this run also helped me to just relax and start believing that I can do a lot more things if I just start them.  Starting this book while wrapping up The Big Moo was a super powerful combination.  Sometimes, I know that I get in my head way too much and talk myself out of doing things just b/c I’m too scared or believe that it just won’t work or that I’m not “ready”.

Next year is supposed to be my full Ironman year.  WOW!  Four years of getting “ready” and I’m still a chicken.  I haven’t signed up yet for my race even though I started training for this crazy Dopey Challenge so that I would have a marathon under my belt before I attempted to do a full.  #crazy

Nonetheless, I’m going to finish Eat&Run and then come back to the Ironman decision . . . That’s a big one.  I’ll have plenty of time to ponder and may even finish this audiobook during the brick (60/4) this weekend . . . 🙂

@ScottJurek #Eat&Run

Part b

So, it’s 5 days later; and I’m done.  Long run and long ride equal more than enough time to finish this audiobook.  I have to admit that part a was better than the ending.  I guess into the 3rd hour on the bike, I was just super tired of hearing about these crazy long runs in the desert.  Really?  Nah, seriously, I have MAD respect for Scott Jurek and what he’s accomplished.  He takes commitment to a different level.

I think the one thing that I was waiting for in the second half of my listening experience was a disappointment but not unexpected.  The whole time I was riding, I kept waiting to hear about his wife.  What was she doing while he was out on all of these monumental ultra runs?  It didn’t sound like she was with him bc Dusty got so much air time in the book.  Then, the hammer dropped.  While I was sad with him, it really made me think about the effect of long distance training on relationships.

I remember an ex-boyfriend asking me “are you going to ride again?”  I was like, duh.  Yeah.  I love to ride and was doing it a long time before I met you.  Of course, I’m going to ride.  LOL.  Well, we’re not together anymore, but it wasn’t just because I love to ride.

However, thinking about an even longer distance race in the future, I was really challenged to consider the impact that personal choice has on my relationship with my family, friends, and work.  I know thousands of people train for Ironman every year and STAY married, GET married, etc.  However, most of the people I know who STAY married are married to other Iron[people], train professionally, or own their own businesses so they can adjust their schedules around training.  So, yeah.  I’m still scrd (yes, I spelled that correctly – scrd for SCARED).  LOL.

This book review is getting a bit long, so I’ll end it here.  On a happy note, Scott obviously met Jenny and they can share this passion together.  Maybe that’s my lesson, marry an IM or at least a runner or a golfer who can stand at least 4-5 hours of non-together time every weekend.